A Different Person Then

The Bird Girl, Sylvia Shaw Judson, Savannah, Georgia

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
— Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Weren’t we all different people then? We are the sum total of what we’ve experienced through the years. If I think back forty years, or even twenty, I’m not the same person I was then. We would have to be without any depth or introspection not to be affected by what we have undergone in our lifetimes.

The challenge, I think, is not to focus on the unhappy experiences and allow them to color what remains of our lives. I recently had a conversation with a friend about someone we both know. Her explanation for his bad behavior was that he had not had many positive role models and his childhood had not been stable. My thought was, “He’s middle-aged. When are we going to expect him to pull it together, or is the excuse of his unfortunate childhood good for the rest of his life?”

Our past certainly shapes us, but at some point we all have to take responsibility for who we are and decide how we want to live today.

I don’t want to be one of those resentful people who are angry at the world because they are unhappy with their lives. You know the ones—the people who yell at the neighbor’s kids, are rude to the clerk at the store, and want to tell you about all their aches and pains. That’s not how I want to spend what remains of my life.

As we grow older, we understand just how quickly time goes by. Perhaps that is one of the gifts of age: realizing that our time is too precious to spend dwelling on what went wrong. We can’t change what has already happened, but we still have some say in what we do with today. I want to do whatever I can to enjoy every moment I still have.

That doesn’t mean we should pretend the difficult things never happened. They are part of us, too. We can acknowledge the disappointments, mistakes, losses, and even the people who hurt us without allowing them to occupy the rest of our lives. Perhaps there comes a time when we have to ask ourselves whether we are still carrying something because it matters, or simply because we have carried it for so long. There are some things we can finally put down and get on with the business of living.

Peace be with you.

If you’re new here, welcome. I write about aging with grace, finding beauty in everyday life, and the quiet moments that remind us what matters most. I’m so glad you’ve stopped by.