I dropped my juggling balls and my face grew embarrassed. It wasn’t’t until then that I looked around the circus of life and noted all were too consumed on their own juggling act to see. That’s when I learned to have fun, and kick the balls instead.Stefanie Schneider
As I become older there will be fewer balls to juggle and life will become easier, I surmised. Now that I am older, I realize I was wrong. Some of the balls may change in size or weight, however the juggling doesn’t stop. Family, health, friends, work and integrity are still spinning through the air defying you not to drop any one of them. Now that I have retired, volunteering has been substituted for work. It’s something I freely chose to do.
I sometimes dream about being required to sort things into the correct bins. Somewhat like the children’s toy that involves shapes being put into the correct matching slot. It’s important to not to make a mistake. Not so much because of who is watching, it’s more a concern of how much my screw up will effect everyone involved. I imagine the pressure and stress of that dream reflects my life, in some ways. I think it would be fair to say, I’m rather tightly wound. I’ve decided to stop reprimanding myself for it and except it’s just who I am.
Through the years, I’ve read zillions of books, taken legions of classes, and a slew of seminars on the subject of mitigating stress. I’ve meditated, journaled, exercised and here’s what I finally decided. I’m going to accept who I am in all my imperfect glory. Will I try to do better? Yes, I will. What I will no longer do is stress out over the fact that I’m stressed. It’s time to cut myself some slack. We all could benefit from being kinder to ourselves.