Pseudo Extrovert

Cabin on Lake

The secret is to put yourself in the right light. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.

Susan Cain

Under the category of things I wish I had recognized about myself earlier in life. I am not comfortable at large parties. Or events where conversation with people I don’t know is required. Ironically, part of my job in luxury retail was doing exactly that. I did it because it was what I was paid to do. Looking back on it, it was not something I enjoyed. I would rather spend time with a small group of friends or sit at home with a book.

I left the little resort town I grew up in when I was eighteen and never looked back. From that time on, I have lived in the city or nearby suburbia. I love the museums, special events and restaurants available to me on a whim. I know I would miss the stimulation. But, more and more, I look forward to time at home with no place I have to be. Maybe a cabin by a lake isn’t a bad idea.

A few days ago, I received an email from a woman in a group I’m part of. She commented on my last blog about the enforced solitude of COVID. This, she wrote, was not a big change for her. She lives alone in a remote mountain area. She is happy in herself, I believe. Sitting with ourselves, without outside distractions, is a good way to learn more about who we are.

Introspection is something I work at. Admittedly, with limited success. At this stage of my life, I have the advantage of looking at the past with some discernment. I still can be my own worst critic. Yet, these days, I find I am willing to cut myself some slack.

At any age, it wouldn’t hurt to be a little kinder to ourselves. This is especially true in the autumn of our lives.