Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.
Wallace Stevens
My process for writing my blog post each week is always the same. I approach it as though I were a journalist. On Wednesday, I write a rough draft and the next day I polish it and post it by the Thursday deadline. This method has worked well for me, until it didn’t. Until I read what I wrote on Wednesday and thought, “This is garbage.” I proceeded to do the only thing possible with garbage. I trashed it.
Now, I find myself sitting at my desk, in my robe, at 7:30 on a Thursday morning staring at a blank computer screen. I have nothing. The piece I started yesterday was about books. I’ve written as many posts about books as I have about home. It’s easy. It’s personal, but not too. It’s a superficial look at who I am. I put myself out there in a safe way.
I would say there are very few people who really know me. I am fairly good at keeping the core of my being hidden. I don’t think it’s uncommon for us to be cautious about putting ourselves out there. The world as proven to be harsh. We self-protect. I look at my writing and say, “If you didn’t want to open yourself up you should have considered writing biographies. You could have opened up someone else’s life.” The thing is I see myself more as Anne Lamont than Doris Kearns Goodwin.
Now that I have the, Anne Lamont thing out of the way. Who am I? I am a women of a certain age, to use a French phrase. That’s a charming of way of saying I’m old. It’s hard to sugarcoat. My last birthday, I became seventy-five. For some reason that was a hard one for me. So, I made a deal with God. I wouldn’t upset myself with this again until I was eighty. At that time, I would reassess how I felt. Maybe, I was over re-acting. Now, I am a little over a month away from my seventy-six birthday and I think I’m okay with that. Yes, I hear you saying, “What choice do you have?” It’s true, I can’t stop time from marching on, however I can control how I react to it. Besides trying to keep a handle on my mental attitude, I can manage my health, my lifestyle, how I look. I can find a place, where taking into consideration my limitations, I am happy.
For many of you reading this, I can hear you saying, “It’s a long time before I need to think about that.” That’s what I thought. Without being perverse, I will tell you, my dear, it is coming at you like a freight train speeding down the track. You can’t stop it and you can’t step aside. Your only choice will be to deal with it.
Aging with Grace 
4 responses to “Searching for Truth”
What you say is so true. Yet, I find myself laughing because the pace at which I read your piece was moving along like the freight train. That is not how I usually read. Your blog, therefore has had an emotional impact on me.
A couple of things, that new milestone you mentioned, will be mine, in a few months. I am proud of it.
Secondly, one of my children went to school with Doris Kearns Goodwin’s son. She remains relatively calm, when discussing serious topics.
You are absolutely right. How. We react to things is the key.
Thank you again, for an inspirational topic and for putting a smile on my face.
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You should be proud of reaching a milestone in your life relating to age. As we know it’s a privilege not granted to many.
I’m sure Doris Kerns Goodwin is lovely. I admire her talent. I just feel mine lies on a different path.
If I was able to touch you or make you smile, I’m happy. That is the highest of praise.
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I read recently, “The waste basket is your friend.” I love balling something up that I’ve written and tossing it into the little trashcan. It makes a reassuring ‘thunk’ sound. You and I can write about our lives without diving too deep. The reader can envision where we are in the story, but we’re usually not in the spotlight. It took years of blogging before some even picked up on my name.
I love your age and hope to be half the woman you are when I arrive at such a milestone. I think the important part is, you showed up, in your robe and without a draft to rely on. This felt real to me like you were sitting at your desk and I was looking over your shoulder as you typed. Have you ever read Anne Dillard? (Another good Anne) I think you would love her book, “The Writing Life.” 💙
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You don’t have to wait. You are an amazing woman right now.
I will look for, “The Writing Life” by Anne Dillard. I haven’t read it. 🤍
Having trouble “Liking” comments. I am sure this Word Press challenge is trying to teach me something. I wish I knew what it was so I could move on.
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